Kick-Ass Pumpkin Pie (Part I)

Finally, it is here- the post you’ve all been waiting for! (All two of you.)
Yes, it’s a long one, and there are no pretty pictures (I’m waiting for someone to buy me a digital camera) but it’s worth it. Trust me.

It seems that whenever somebody has a recipe that they think is just really great, they try and come up with a name that will tell the world just how great it is. Think “Better than Chocolate” this, or “Better than Sex” that, or the oh-so-original “World’s Best” whatever. I guess I’m the same way. I think my way of making pumpkin pie is the best ever, but instead of calling it “World’s Best Pumpkin Pie” *, I decided to go with “Kick-Ass Pumpkin Pie”. I think just the act alone of calling something “kick-ass” automatically makes it better. You could go to the store and buy two of the cheapest no-name brand frozen pumpkin pies you could find, then gather a group of tasters for a blind tasting and it would turn out something like this: Slap down pie number 1- “Here we have Brand A, the cheapest no-name brand frozen pie we could find.” And then pie number 2, “Here we have Brand B, also frozen, but the difference is that this one was made by a new company called ‘Kick-Ass!’.” I guarantee that 9 out of 10 people will say that the second one tastes way better. (And if I was running the test, that 10th guy would get a pie shoved squarely in his face followed by shouts of
“It is not the exact same thing! Take it back, jerk!” Followed by a “@^%&a*” or two.)

So what exactly is “my way”? Well, you should already know you need to ditch “the recipe”. Forget about your favorite recipe. “How’s it taste?” That’s the only recipe you’ll ever need for at least 90% of everything you make. Other than that, there’s really only one secret- Coconut Milk. That’s right-coconut milk. Ditch the condensed milk, or whatever “the recipe” calls for, and use coconut milk instead. Not a fan of coconut milk? Use it anyway. Allergic to the stuff? Use it anyway. Trust me- it’s worth whatever reaction you may have. Really. You’ll thank me from the hospital bed.
Now, you could just go with that one simple change – follow the recipe on the can, but with coconut milk instead- and end up with a perfectly good pie. No, an excellent pie. In fact, I’ll never again make one without coconut milk- even if you offered me a thousand dollars- no thanks, keep your filthy money. Put a gun to my head? Ha! I laugh at danger. Hell, I don’t care if you’re a deliciously curvy redhead and offer to show me your ta-tas… I won’t do it.
(Though that last one would probably require a fair amount of willpower…)
But there are other steps you can take to really turn it into something to get excited about. Most notably, use fresh pumpkin. Yeah, it’s a bit of work, and probably more expensive, but so worth it. So, start off by getting yourself a bunch of pumpkins from wherever. Back when I lived in Maine I used to look for roadside farms that I could sneak into later that night when noone was around, but living in the city now I have to just go to the store like most other people. Whatever works for your situation. Just don’t get those big Jack o’ Lantern pumpkins. I’ve never tried one myself, but I hear they don’t taste very good and we don’t want that- ’cause it’s all about taste. You want the small to medium size ones, often called sugar pumpkins. I usually go for about a kid’s-basketball size. And once cooked, they freeze well too, so you can just buy a whole shitload and spend your entire day off prepping this stuff and not have to worry about it again for a really long time.
Next up is the getting-them-ready-for-cooking part. This might entail some effort. Or it might not; like say if your birthday is coming up, and somebody asks you what you want- just point them in the direction of your huge pile of pumpkins and say “Get carving.”


(Part II coming soon-ish)

Published in: on October 30, 2007 at 7:18 pm  Comments (1)  


Tried jackfruit for the first time today. Been wanting to try it for awhile. It just sounds interesting- Jackfruit. A tropical fruit named after a white dude; gotta be worth a shot.

The verdict? Well, if you ever get the chance to try it… I’d recommend not doing so.

Published in: on October 21, 2007 at 5:49 pm  Leave a Comment  

Next up, Pumpkin Pie- My Way.

Coming soon-ish… my totally kick-ass way of making a pumpkin pie. It’s really tasty. 🙂

Published in: on October 19, 2007 at 6:49 pm  Leave a Comment  

No, you can’t have the recipe… because there isn’t one.

So, I like to cook. Sometimes I even think I’m pretty good at it. It used to be that when I told someone I liked to cook, and they asked me if I was any good, I’d say “Well, I’m good at following a recipe!” But I’ve come to realize that that’s just not true. I actually am a good cook, and I really suck at following a recipe. The only time I can really stick to them is when I’m mixing baking stuff, like flour, and baking powder, that sort of thing- because that stuff doesn’t really taste very good on its own, so you really can’t judge by taste whether you need more or not. Other than that, whenever I actually try and follow a recipe, my head starts to hurt, I get dizzy, have to hold on to something so I don’t fall… ok, maybe that’s a little much, but I do get that “far-off” look in my eyes, like I’m trying to make sense of one of those Magic Eye pictures. That actually does happen. Not to say that I never use recipes; I do use them, all the time- I just can’t stick to them. I look at them as more like using one of those multi-state maps to find your way from Point A to Point B- you’ve got a general idea of what direction you’re going to go, but as far as which streets to take, you’ll just have to figure that out along the way. Which I think is a lot more fun anyway. If you don’t have a set path to follow, there’s no way you can go off course. If you don’t have a set recipe to follow, there’s no way you can make it wrong. As long as it tastes right, it is right, and it can be slightly different every time (and probably will be) and still be great. And sometimes you might just end up with something totally new and different that you can share with your friends. Recipes? We don’t need no stinkin’ recipes!

Published in: on October 14, 2007 at 8:28 pm  Leave a Comment